So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
whose parrot is this?
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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