so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
I love having hate sex.
He passed out mid-signature
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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