So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
