I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
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