She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
You're just horny.
Yea, and? I appreciate you as a person too if that helps.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
Randomize
