i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Randomize
