Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
