Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
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He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
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Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
How drunk are you?
Completed.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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