Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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