That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
