according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Wearing rip off pants to a booty call last night was one of my most brilliant ideas ever.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
