Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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