wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
I will be naked everywhere
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
