you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
In a few weeks I'll be a beautiful butterfly and me and my cat will have to repopulate the earth. WE WILL REBUILD!!
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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