Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
