hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
