i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
