I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
