quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Discovered a freckle on my clitoris. What have you done today?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
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