I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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