Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
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