Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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