Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
