At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
