Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
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I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawnmower thinking of you
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
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Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize