mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
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