I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
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