is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
A few things for you to consider: 1. Drunk enough that I'm looking up the dictionary definition of Wish. 2. Dictionary.com has new features. 3. Windows is offering me 500 business cards for 5 bucks. 4. I've always wanted a card that says I'm a ninja
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
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