In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
