i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
When we were fucking i started barking and growling at her.. you shoulda seen her face
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
try to milk me bitch
And the you walked in and said to the only under age dude "IM NOT SLEEPING WITH YOU TONIGHT!!!" You may not have high standards but thanks for not sleeping with my brother!
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
