Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
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