You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
You made out with two different species that night
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
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