so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
I noticed it at one point and thought do I really wanna bang the guy with the phone holster .....of course I do
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
