Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Those are some awfully high standards for someone of your weight
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
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