you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
