I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize
