I'm pants shitting drunk right now
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
Randomize