Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
they say Disney World is the happiest place on Earth. It's a close second to the Super 8 on route 18. That place holds some great memories.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
Randomize
