Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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