life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
Randomize
