Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
