Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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