Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
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