i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
whose parrot is this?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
If I die, sorry about rent.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
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