I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I want to fling myself into the sun
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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