Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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