Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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