Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
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We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
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someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
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