just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
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You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
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You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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