There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
