We're facebook friends in real life
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
Sober January is a disaster.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
