dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
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