So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
