1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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