You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
I think I have vodka in my lungs
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
