Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
