Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Randomize
