just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
It was confusing and full of hummus
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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