this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
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