a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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