I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
Randomize
