im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
