it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
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Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
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Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
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