every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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