I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
gpnpr hd vmdd nm the ggrl whm was mn my lar
I need you to use more vowels.
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
