I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
I want you more than I want a burrito.
I'm not as filling.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
