sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
