In America we eat man semen.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
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