He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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