But I'm halfway naked in a seductive pose! I just want to get this right...
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
