OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
