I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish they made helmets for livers.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
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