She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Journey is playing on the radio....I think it is a sign I am going to pass my drug test
I woke up this morning with 2 australian chicks passed out in my living room, a whole bunch of coke on my kitchen counter and I have no idea how the fuck either thing got there
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
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