She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Awareness is good for change and all, but ignorance is bliss. I like bliss.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
