Dual....:-)
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
