you didnt know i had herpes?
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
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