Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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