yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
how does that bad decision feel?
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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